6 comments on “We Are Not In Our Right Minds

  1. I love this post.

    I have a non-relationship with my mother, because she seems like such a toxic person that I don’t want her around my kids, potentially damaging them the way she damaged me and my sibs. What’s your opinion on that…do you think it’s okay sometimes to draw a protective line between yourself and someone you theoretically “should” have a relationship with, like a dangerously unstable parent?

  2. Debora,

    Thank you for stopping by. I’m glad something I’ve written is having a positive effect in your life.

    I think you should always be careful to “draw a protective line” between your children and who you allow to influence them, even if it is your mom. You are the one responsible for making sure they are brought up with the Godly wisdom necessary to live the life God knows they should have. If you know of a harmful situation and you let them enter it, you are the responsible one.

    If you have no relationship with your mother, then I don’t suppose there is much need to introduce her back into your life and that of your children. However, if you have some contact and she wants to see her grandchildren, then you can talk with her, set some ground rules, and allow her to be with them under your supervision. However, if at any point she goes beyond your set rules, IMMEDIATELY remove them from the situation. You can honor the fact she is your mother without allowing her toxicity to disturb your family. I’m sorry your mother is not the ideal mother and grandmother you like to have, but your first obligation is to your children, not your mom.

    I hope this has helped.



  3. It did. No, I haven’t spoken to my mom in a long time, and there’s never been a time when we had a healthy relationship. When my children were very young and I saw the way she was treating them, I realized it was time to make a decision about whether she should be a part of their lives. I feel like I made the right choice, but some people feel that I copped out of my daughterly duty. I’m with you, though — I think my first duty is to the well-being of my children.

  4. You have a “duty” to honor your mother. You do this by not causing her harm and doing your best to see she has what she needs to live a life that honors God and respects others. This “duty” does not include putting your children in any type of threatening situation — physical, psychological, etc. I feel sorry for families that do not live in a respectful manner, looking for ways to bring out the best in others, but it happens all the time.

    I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my dad, but I made a decision to live differently than the way I was raised. It sounds like you are doing the same. Furthermore, you have seen what you don’t want in a mom and are making decisions that will foster a good relationship with you children, and one day, with you grandchildren! And let me tell you, grandkids are a real joy. It is also wonderful relating to the children as they are now adults.


  5. I know what you mean…the older mine get the more I enjoy their company.

    Although the adolescent girl has her days…

  6. There is one mother who’s been watching over me for 50 years. You might know her… John 19:26. I’ll say a prayer for peace in your family, Debora.

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