When Will You Die?

Posted by Jim Thornber on December 29, 2016
Posted in: Christian Spirituality, Religion, Scripture. Tagged: , , , , , , . Leave a comment

“So Moses, the servant of the Lord, died there in the land of Moab, just as the Lord had said.” (Deut. 34:5)

moses-on-mount-neboI recently finished teaching a series on the life of Moses at my church, and when it was all over there was one particular thought that stayed with me, comforted me and even brought me some relief. The thought is this: Our life doesn’t end simply because we’re old and wore out. Instead, God takes us when He determines our time is up.

Deuteronomy records the last days of the Moses’ life, where God calls him to the top of Mount Nebo for a final look around. Now, this mountains is about 4,500 feet high, and most of us are thinking, “Hey, nice view.” But Moses was 120 years old! How many of you could climb almost one mile high now, much less than when you are 120 years old? And there was no trail or paved road. Moses blazed his own trail and climbed to the top. I have trouble going up and down the stairs at work more than a few times in a row, and here’s Moses doing a little last minute mountain climbing and sight-seeing before he finally takes his eternal rest. Moses was a stud.

But Moses wasn’t just physically strong, he was spiritually strong. We don’t find any self-pity or final regrets mentioned in this last chapter of his life. He knew he was going to see the land God promised to Abraham, and he knew he was never going to walk there. Furthermore, the Lord had already chosen Joshua to take the Children of Israel into the Promised Land. The only thing left for Moses to do was to hike a mountain, enjoy the view, and quietly pass away.

I believe this brief story reminds us that, as believers, we have no reason to fear or panic when it comes to dying. We all die; it is part of living. In some ways, we’re really not ready to live until we’re ready to die.

As we read about Moses climbing to the top of the mountain, we don’t really want him to die. I remember reading the Gospels in high school and somewhere in my mind was the hope Jesus didn’t have to die this time. Of course, I knew that He did and I knew why He did, I just didn’t want Him to actually die. Perhaps it is something within all people that abhors the death of another, because to experience death is not the way God first created us. We were created to live on and on but the original sin messed that up. Still, it didn’t mess up our expectation for eternal life, nor our sense of sorrow when a loved one dies. We know they will; we just don’t want them to.

At the end of his life, Moses is still strong enough to climb the mountain and get a look around, and what a view it is. He starts by looking northward from Gilead to Dan, turning northwest to see Naphtali and the territory of Ephraim and Manasseh, then west to all the land of Judah as far as the Mediterranean Sea, and finally southward toward the Negev (semi-desert region) and the Valley of Jericho. After wandering the deserts for forty years, this must have been quite a sight.

I wonder if our final moments in life will also reveal a spectacular, panoramic, heavenly view of what is ahead; a new dimension that we can see only by the invitation of God. “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him,” Paul wrote in 1 Cor. 2:9. This is what Moses was looking forward to as he took his final look at the Promised Land.

And I am sure that Moses enjoyed the view. Verse 7 says “Moses was 120 years old when he died, yet his eyesight was clear, and he was as strong as ever.” Moses was more than twice my age but still he had better eyesight than I do! The word “strong” here occurs six times in the OT with the sense of being fresh, moist, or green like a tree. It speaks of sexual vigor and physical health.

Nobody knows how many more years Moses would have lived naturally if the Lord had not taken him when He did. Every part of Moses was physically healthy and spiritually strong. So take heart knowing that God doesn’t take us only when we’re worn out. He takes us when He determines our time is up. And if you’re still breathing, it means God isn’t finished with you yet. I encourage you not to give up on yourself until God determines it is time for you to go.

 

What Martial Arts Taught Me About Prayer

Posted by Jim Thornber on December 22, 2016
Posted in: Christian Spirituality, Religion, Scripture. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a comment

For four years I was an Assemblies of God minister and a monk with the Brothers and Sisters of Charity at the Little Portion Hermitage. This is an excerpt from my book Taking Off My Comfortable Clothes: Removing Religion to Find Relationship.

Every Friday evening, the community gathered in the chapel at the Little Portion for a half hour of silent prayer and meditation. At the appointed time, we would enter the candle-lit chapel, find a place to sit, and silently talk with God. Occasionally, you would hear the sound of slow, heavy breathing in the chapel – that unmistakable indication that one of the saints is taking a short siesta. But for the most part, everyone was engaged in some type of silent prayer.

It was during these times—when I desired nothing more than to bask in the presence of God and simply be with the One who loved me to death—that unsavory images from my past or arguments I’ve had with people would come screaming into my head. Here I am trying to meditate upon God, and an image of girl I once dated (and shouldn’t have) explodes upon my imagination. Now, instead of hoping to catch a glimpse of God’s glory, I have Victoria’s Secret dancing in my head. What’s a monk to do?

The Battle of Prayer

Oswald Chambers said, “The battle of prayer is against two things in the earthlies: wandering thoughts and lack of intimacy with God’s character as revealed in His word. Neither can be cured at once, but they can be cured by discipline.” Although I didn’t know it at the time, it was my previous study of martial arts that helped me overcome my wandering thoughts while in prayer.

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I Have No Record

Posted by Jim Thornber on December 16, 2016
Posted in: Christian Spirituality, Religion, Scripture. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 Comments

“He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.” – Psalm 103:12

fresh-start Usually when I eat breakfast, I have a book open in front of me. I eat and read almost every morning. But yesterday I was running late so I didn’t open my book. As I was looking around the breakfast table, I noticed my wife’s address book was open because she’s been addressing Christmas cards. I also noticed that she writes everything in her book in ink. How silly is that? Ink! You know that people are going to move, change phone numbers, get married and or even die, right? This means you have to cross out the name or number and stack another on top of it or even write a completely new entry.

I, on the other hand, am the smart one (yes, she’s rolling her eyes…). I write everything in pencil. That way all I have to do is erase the name or number and start over. It bothers me that she writes in ink. I’ve told her so. More than once. But she still does it. So, while I was eating breakfast and looking at her address book, God broke through. Yes. Even God can speak to a selfish soul whilst they are in the midst of judging another…

It occurred to me that God does a bit of writing Himself, and He does so in a variety of mediums and on different canvases. Jeremiah tells us that God writes His instructions on the hearts of His people (Jer. 31:33), while He told Isaiah, “See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands” (Isa. 49:16). Jesus told the church in Pergamum each victorious believer would receive a white stone with a new name written on it (Rev. 2:17). God wrote with on the two tablets of the Ten Commandments, with His finger (Ex. 31:18), on both sides (Ex. 32:15). Even Jesus did a bit of writing while He waited for the self-righteous teachers of the law and the Pharisees to disperse from their judgments of the woman caught in adultery (John 8:6-8), reminding us of what Jeremiah said: “Those who turn away from you will be written in the dust because they have forsaken the LORD, the spring of living water” (Jer. 17:13).

What does this have to do with my wife’s address book? I believe that God keeps track of our lives, but He does so with some type of instrument that is easily changed, not permanent, not eternal. God became a baby so He may grow to take away the sins of the world. He knows that people will change, repent and seek to start over. In His great love He keeps us from destruction and puts all our sins behind His back (Isa. 38:17); removing them from us as far as the east is from the west (Ps. 103:12).

Our lives are a living palimpsest, a manuscript on which two or more successive texts are written, each one being erased to make room for the next. One day I’m a sinner, the next day a saint, and tomorrow is yet to be determined. But God, in His love for the Word and the invention of words, determines not only to write our names on the palm of His hand, He writes our sins in the blood of the Lamb and our past He records in erasable ink, for the love of God keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5).

And so, for reasons only God knows and only God can justify, because of the gift of Christ we are “holy and blameless” as we stand past-erased (Col. 1:22). In the Book of Life God writes our name. There is nothing crossed out, no record of faults and no list of changes. There’s just us, loved and accepted in the beloved (Eph. 1:6), whose names are on the guest list to join the party that accompanies the wedding feast of the Lamb (Rev. 19:7).

 

 

 

But Lord, I Want THAT Gift!

Posted by Jim Thornber on December 14, 2016
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“It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have” – 1 Corinthians 12:11 (NLT)

giftsFor many people, the Christmas season is their favorite time of year. The time spent with family, the abundance of favorite foods, and of course the opening of gifts all make this holiday special.

When I was a kid, I was so keen on getting gifts I would often peel back the wrapping paper to get a peak at what was underneath (I’ll bet you did, too!). After all the gifts were unwrapped on Christmas morning, I would head outside to gather with my friends and compare gifts which, in Southern California, inevitably included a few new bikes, a skateboard or two and usually one remote-controlled car. However, it seemed to me that no matter how cool my gifts were, there was always some other gift my friends had that I envied. I guess they felt the same, because we usually ended up playing with our friend’s gifts more than our own.

What bothers me is how often I have this same attitude about the gifts the Holy Spirit has wisely given to me. Instead of enjoying and showing gratitude for my own God-given gifts, I find myself desiring “other” gifts – gifts I see in people that I, with self-proclaimed omniscience abounding, deem more successful than I am. I figure if I had their gifts then I, too, could have what they have: house, car, job, successfully published book, prestige. You know, all those items that are destined to perish.

However, by pursuing this attitude all I’ve really done is whine, tell God I don’t like my gifts and, in a not-so-subtle manner, suggest He made a mistake. The Lord God Almighty, with true omniscience abounding and from the depth of His own mercy and grace, has loved me enough to give me gifts I didn’t deserve, and I in turn thank Him by breaking the tenth commandment as I covet my neighbor’s possessions.

Excuse me for a moment while I head off into a corner and repent.

Furthermore, it is little comfort to know I’m not the only one who has problems with the gifts of God. Often I’ve heard some Christian say they don’t have any gifts, which doesn’t make any sense. 1 Corinthians 12:11 says God decides which gift each person should have, not some people should have. It is hard to imagine loving parents who only give Christmas gifts to some of their children while neglecting to give to others. Maybe there are some scoundrels like that, but God does not reveal Himself to be that type of father.

Paul goes on to say in the rest of chapter 12 that the gifts of God are like the parts of the body – every part is important and has a reason for being there. Likewise, every Christian is important in the Body of Christ and has a part to play, a gift to use, for the overall health of the body. I guess God knew there would be people like me who would compare their gifts to others, for verse 15 says, “If the foot says, ‘I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,’ that does not make it any less a part of the body.” God has given me a part to play and instead of rejoicing in it, I’ve murmured because I don’t have a different part. What a shame.

My challenge is to stop wanting someone else’s gift and start exercising my own. Being a part of the Body of Christ is not about me, but about the health of the Body as a whole. It’s time to change my prayer from a whiney, “But Lord, I want THAT gift” to a grateful, “Thank you Lord for the wise gift You’ve given me.” Only then will I stop comparing my gifts with the gifts of others and find myself at peace within the Body.

 

Can I Be Like Jesus And Be A Pastor?

Posted by Jim Thornber on December 10, 2016
Posted in: Christian Spirituality, Religion, Scripture. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 2 Comments

A Pharisee invited him to eat with him; so he went in and reclined at the table . . . Then the Lord said to him, “Now you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness.” – Luke 11:37ff

 

truth_signOne day, Jesus is walking along, teaching a crowd of people about prayer, Beelzebub, driving out demons and the sign of Jonah, who lived inside a fish for three days. You know, the basics of the faith. Then a Pharisee invites Jesus to eat at his house, so Jesus goes and has a nice lunch, but when He doesn’t wash before the meal the way custom instructed, the Pharisee gets religious with the creator of the universe.

In response to this Pharisee and his concern for traditions over God’s mercy, Jesus tells him and his friends they are filthy cups and fools who are headed towards God’s judgment for the way they chose tradition over relationship. This is the famous passage where Jesus pronounces His “Six Woes” upon the Pharisees and scribes.

As I was reading this, it occurred to me that Jesus is actually condemning those who were paying for His lunch. After accepting an invitation to eat in someone’s home, Jesus turns on the one who fed Him. In appears that Jesus wasn’t afraid to tell the truth to those who were hosting Him. Could pastors (me included) learn a lesson from this?

  • How often have pastors been afraid to address certain church issues because they fear offending the generous giver and losing their financial support? Are we, in this manner, placing tithes over truth?
  • How often have pastors been afraid to address unscriptural behavior by a member in the church out of fear of offending the family and losing a big contributor? Are we, in this manner, placing salary over salvation?
  • How often have pastors steered away from preaching the whole Gospel of Christ because they fear what Sister Self-Righteous will say during the weekly prayer/gossip circle?
  • How often have pastors skipped over controversial passages of the Bible because they know a certain deacon will say the pastor has now gone from preachin’ to meddlin’ and it may be time to look for a new preacher?
  • How often have pastors shown more fear of people’s opinions than they do the opinion of God?
  • How often have pastors been too worried about their salary and position to address the sin and selfishness in their congregation?

 

Jesus didn’t worry about offending people. He was too concerned with telling them the truth their souls needed to hear to worry about His next dinner invitation.

As a pastor of a small congregation, I know it is tempting to sugar coat the truth so no one will be offended and leave the fellowship. But Jesus, knowing He would offend those who supported Him, told them the truth regardless of their reaction. And when their reaction got hot enough, they didn’t just vote Him out of the church – they crucified Him.

I’m not looking for a fight in my congregation. But I’m not going to back down from the truth of God’s Word because a religious traditionalist might be offended and take their tithes elsewhere. Besides, if they were giving to the church in order to hear what they wanted to hear, then their money was not actually a tithe, but rather a tip to insure proper service.

So, can I be like Jesus and be a pastor? Yes, but only if I’m willing to truly follow Jesus and not worry about the contributions and opinions of people. I may not get too many lunch invitations, but I won’t have to worry about Jesus showing up during a church service to tell me to clean the inside of my cup.

 

God Answers Imperfect Prayers

Posted by Jim Thornber on December 3, 2016
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“Meanwhile, Peter continued knocking. When they finally opened the door and saw him, they were amazed.” – Acts 12:16

 

not-perfectHere’s the scene. A group of Christians has gathered together for an all-night prayer vigil to seek God for the life of their beloved friend and leader named Peter, whom Herod has arrested and plans to execute. They are crying out to God for Peter’s life and the prayers take them into the early morning.

Then a knock comes at the front door. A servant girl name Rhoda is sent to see who it is. Rhoda must have been very familiar with Peter to recognize him just by his voice, because she left the gate locked and ran back to the prayer group and told them Peter was here.

And, being the faith-filled, Spirit-led, Holy Ghost baptized believers that they were, they immediately dismissed Rhoda’s news by telling her she was crazy, it was just probably just his angel. Say what? Here these people are involved in some serious prayer but when the answer comes knocking at the door, they don’t believe it. THAT is what I mean by this being an imperfect prayer – they didn’t even have enough faith to think that God would answer their prayers.

What this means for all of us is that it isn’t the “perfect” prayers we pray that finally prevail. It wasn’t the extraordinary faith they all had that moved God to release Peter. In fact, they didn’t show much faith at all. Here they are, all gathered together to pray for their beloved friend, and when he shows up in answer to their prayers, they don’t believe it. So, how much faith does it take to pray for something and then, when you get it, turn it away because you doubt? Not much faith. Not much at all. But what we learn from this passage is it isn’t the amount of faith you have but Who your faith is in.

We must always remember that our faith isn’t in our faith, it is in God. Jesus knew we’d only need faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains (Matt 13:31-32). The fact that they were praying was enough faith to produce results. I admonish you to NEVER tell someone they didn’t receive an answer to their prayers because they didn’t have enough faith. I want to seriously hurt the self-righteous clods who tell people, “The reason you didn’t get healed was because you didn’t have enough faith.” If you want to see me truly angry, use that sentence in my presence! How much faith does it take to become saved? How much faith does it take to have your first-ever conversation with God? I think that is the same amount of faith it takes to move mountains. Just talking with God takes a certain amount of faith in itself.

Think about this: Peter was released but James was killed. Do you think any apostle could have been arrested without the prayers of the church going out to them? Could the prayers for James have any less faith in being answered than the prayers for Peter? How much less faith can you have than the little faith they had for Peter’s return? They disbelieve Rhoda and then use the excuse it was a ghost or his angel. Can we really say that they had less faith in praying for James and that’s why God didn’t answer them?

Can I tell you a secret? Sometimes the answer God gives is “No,” and no amount of faith will change that. Sometimes it is the death of His servants that serves Him in a way that his life could not. We say God is God and He can do anything He wants, but then we proceed to give Him a list of acceptable and unacceptable things for a God to do. You know, a God we’ve created in our own image to serve our own interests, wants and needs.

I admit that it comforts me to know I’m not the first person to pray for something and then doubt when it arrives. These early believers prayed rightly, and even though they didn’t believe it when God answered their prayers, God answered them anyway. They prayed effectively but didn’t fully believe. Still, they had enough faith in them to pray in the first place, and that was all God needed to answer their prayers. It is all we need, too.

 

I Get To Love People

Posted by Jim Thornber on November 18, 2016
Posted in: Christian Spirituality, Leadership, Religion. Tagged: , , , , , , . Leave a comment

Earlier this week I was reading Eugene Peterson’s book Under the Unpredictable Plant.  In it, he shares that someone once asked himpermission-granted-red his favorite part of being a pastor, and he answered, “The mess.” Yes, being a pastor is messy, which contributes to the creative side of allowing God to be God in situations that don’t always fall under the category, “Stuff I Learned in Seminary.”

As I thought about this same question, my quick answer was, “I get to love people on my own terms.”

I’ve worked with more than one pastor who felt the need to micro-mismanage his staff so they’d behave in ways that made him comfortable. Regardless of their gifts, talents, backgrounds and personalities, these pastors made sure their staff understood what was and was not acceptable in the ways they spoke to and related with people. I had a sense they were trying to make me into a mini version of themselves, and something in me always rebelled. They wanted to control my sense of humor, what passages of Scripture I could teach on, how I could speak to people and what stories about my life I could tell. In spite of my unique gifts, talents and skills, they seemed determined to make me in their image. Needless to say, I didn’t last under their leadership.

This manipulation went beyond the basic and necessary training a good leader engages in when communicating the vision, mission and culture of this particular local church. They seemed to think if the church members saw a staff person as more loving and forgiving, more personable and likeable, more capable of handling God’s Word and feeding the spiritual appetites of the congregants, there’d be competition on the team. Instead of working together as companions in the Kingdom, these pastors often viewed others with a wary eye, watching for any sign their staff might be better pastors than they were. I walked many a year in different churches not with the hopeful challenge of, “What would Jesus do?” but with the fearful question, “Would the pastor approve of this?”

Now I’m the pastor, and I get to love people on my own terms, not on the terms of a leader who is more afraid of his reputation than in promoting the Kingdom. When it comes to forgiving and restoring people, I don’t have to wait years for the senior pastor to put the divorced piano player back on the worship team. When it comes to humor, I can be myself without the senior pastor giving me the evil eye while his children get away with saying anything they want. When it comes to teaching the Word, I can preach any passage I want without the senior pastor telling me that some people will be offended at those verses.

I now enjoy the freedom to do my own imitation of Christ without having to worry about what someone else will think or approve of based on their fears and anxieties. Don’t misunderstand me: I am a good team player. I know the necessity of supporting leadership and being of one mind and purpose. But when that purpose is to make the pastor look good at the expense of the spiritual life of the staff, then something is truly amiss.

I think about these things every time I have a staff meeting. I’m always checking myself and wondering:

  • Am I encouraging this person to be who God called them to be, or who I want them to be?
  • Have I prayed about their gifts and where they fit best on the staff?
  • If what they did makes me uncomfortable, am I uncomfortable personally, or because it was scripturally out of line?
  • When it comes to correcting my staff, am I doing so in order to raise their level of leadership skills, team support and Christian maturity, or because I have a personal problem with their behavior?

I’ve come to learn that one of the greatest mentors in my life is my previous pain. It reminds me how much I hurt and how much I don’t want anyone under my authority to feel that pain. Ever. I want everyone who works with me to say with joy and enthusiasm, “Pastor Jim gives me permission to be myself in Christ Jesus.” For me, that is one of the greatest compliments I can receive, and it is one of my favorite ways to love people.

 

 

 

Praying The Lord’s Name In Vain

Posted by Jim Thornber on September 15, 2016
Posted in: Christian Spirituality, Religion, Scripture. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a comment

Ex. 20:7—“You must not misuse the name of the LORD your God. The LORD will not let you go unpunished if you misuse his name” (NLT).

misusedJust for the fun of it, I’ve been reading the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Old Covenant. I’ve been in Exodus the past few days, zooming right along and having a good time, right up until I got to Ex. 20:7, the third of the Ten Commandments. This one stopped me in my tracks. Like many of us, I’ve memorized this verse from the King James Version, which says, “Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain.” This commandment extends the idea of the second commandment, for just as God forbids us to show disrespect to Him by making a god out of something that is not God, it is also a disgrace to use His Name without a legitimate or valid reason.

Until now, I’ve mostly thought of taking the Lord’s name in vain as cursing. When I was barely a teenager, I’d often get frustrated and say, “Jeee-sus Chrii-st,” as if it was His fault I wasn’t getting my way. My dad heard me say that once and he shot me a look that has stayed with me for 35 years, and I’ve (mostly) succeeded in not saying it again.

Other times, I’ve heard people vainly use His name to express surprise or disappointment, or even fill in the gaps in prayer. This last one I find especially irritating. When I’m speaking to someone, I don’t find it necessary to use their name seventeen times in a sentence, so why would I repeatedly use God’s name when I’m praying in public? For instance, how many times have you heard a prayer like this: “Dear God, we come to you Father God and ask you God that you Father God would hear our prayers, Father God, for God you are a God who heals, Father God, and God…” That type of prayer DRIVES ME NUTS! First, God already knows you’re talking to Him, so you don’t have to try to get His attention by droning His name on and on. Second, I see no legitimate or valid reason to repeat God’s name because one has nothing better to say.

However, my reading of Ex. 20:7 in the New Living Testament starting me thinking in a completely new direction, and its implications bothered me.  I wonder how many times I have misused His name by praying for things that feeds my desires—many times at the expense of others—and capping it off with a quick, “In Jesus name, Amen.” To pray “In Jesus Name” is not some sort of spiritual abracadabra wherein God must comply with our prayers because we have said the magic formula. The fact is, many of us simply pray our own desires to enhance our own name and stature and attempt to use God’s power with an “In Jesus name” tag at the end of our prayers in order to accomplish our own will and desires.

To pray in the name of Jesus means so much more than merely uttering the syllables. His Name includes His nature, being and very person. It also means His morals, teaching and doctrine. It means I know His will before I pray it—I’m not guessing at what He would want. I don’t pray for a bigger house if I’m not taking care of the one I have. I don’t look for a different spouse if I’m not treating the one I have now with the respect God requires. I don’t ask for lots of money if my purpose is to spend it on myself. God created the earth because He wanted to share His abundant goodness with His creation. He didn’t create it so we may keep our portion to ourselves.

When Jesus taught His disciples to pray, the first thing He taught them to say was “Hallowed be your name” (Matt. 6:9).  Above all else, our lives are to reflect the holiness of the character of God. This passage in Exodus has me thinking about the way I pray, why I seek God, and what I ask Him for. I learned at a young age not to substitute His name for an expletive. Now I want my whole life, especially my prayer life, to reflect the sacredness of His Name.

 

A Poor Widow’s Rich Offering

Posted by Jim Thornber on August 16, 2016
Posted in: Christian Spirituality, Church, Religion, Scripture. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a comment

“A poor widow came by and dropped in two small coins. ‘I tell you the truth,’ Jesus said, ‘this poor widow has given more than all the rest of them. . . she, as poor as she is, has given everything she has.’” Luke 21:2-4 (NLT)

This passage is an instant challenge and bothers me for one reason: I don’t know if I could drop everything I have in God’s collection box and walk away.

Yet, that is exactly what this widow did. She took her entire net worth, two of the smallest of Jewish coins, walked into the presence of God, and without considering anyone was watching, especially God as Messiah, dropped them in the collection box and walked away. She didn’t get a receipt, couldn’t write it off on her taxes as a charitable donation and didn’t tell the pastor she no longer had food money or bus fare to return home. She simply gave her all to God and walked away because that was what her heart wanted to do.

Not me. My ego always struggles with acknowledgment. I want the leaders of the church and denominational officials (and truth be told, God, to a lesser extent) to know exactly what I’m sacrificing. I not only want my left hand to know what my right hand is doing (Matt. 6:3), I want them to get together and start and avalanche of applause because I’ve done it. Who really wants to give in secret when a bunch of our friends can get together and give us a big party for all our generosity?

Actually, many people give just like this unnamed widow woman: generously, anonymously, and almost fearful somebody will find out. They live to give and look for ways to invest in the Kingdom. I know they’re out there because I’ve met them. I’ve even went to church with a few of them. One millionaire I met said all he wants to do is make God famous with his money. Looking back on it, I wonder if he meant he wanted to make God famous with his own personal money or with the money he knows is already God’s. Either way, the result was the same – a complete investment in the Kingdom of God.

I can’t help but wonder what that would look like – completely investing every thing I have in God’s Kingdom. How would it feel to walk into the Temple of God, take everything I own, drop it at His feet and walk away? I know I was supposed to have done that when I accepted Jesus as my Savior and claimed Him as my Lord. But in reality, I’m grateful Jesus is my Savior but I’ve retained lordship, possession and control of most everything else. It’s my name on Friday’s paycheck, my name on the registration of the truck, my name on the gas bill and my name on the church sign, right after the name of the church – the church name that doesn’t mention God. I claim Him as Savior but live as my own Lord. And now, a poor widow woman is challenging my professed, but not yet possessed, spirituality.

Maybe if I had nothing but a couple of coins in my pocket it would be easier to give it up. But then, maybe not. If I don’t have a generous spirit with everything I have now, what’s to say I’d be more generous if I had less?

I wish I had a good answer to these questions. I do know I need to spend more time talking with God about my attitude toward His stuff, remembering that everything from the paycheck to the cell phone and everything in between is actually His. Maybe when that truly becomes a reality, the story or a poor woman’s rich offering will stop being a challenge because I’ll finally be as generous as she was. But until then, I hope this story never stops bothering me.